i'm eating leftover pizza from last night

so what's on my mind right now
well how little money i have since i overdrew my bank account, paid my cellphone bill and had to refund someone's money for what they bought from me on ebay because the post office fucked up >_< sigh
also i am wondering why i havent been griping about loneliness as much as i used to. I mean hell, that used to be what this journal was all about, me bemoaning my fate of solitude, posting about how in love i was, then bemoaning the lack of lovers in the world for me again. lately i have griped about being in love but being alone in that abstract way hasnt been a focus, at least not much. i guess that is sort of nice. I am sick of being alone, definitly, and i have been alone for a long long time now.
maybe i have jsu grown so used to it, or maybe i have grown up, or maybe i kind subconsciously know i dont need to be with anyone right now. Or at least i didnt i am starting to get to a place where it would be cool and not stupid to get in a relationship. I feel like i am significantly less fucked up than i was this time last year and the year before. Heh, hell and then when i shouldnt have been with anyone i was. what the fuck.

he keeps telling me i should get toeter with her, and we are flirting and having fun and sometimes i really really like her, but i dont know. it seems like we are just basically incompatible. just the semantics of us being together would be all off. but i'm having fun, so whatever. i am very carefree about things right now, it leads to me being a little half assed, but it also makes me much more happy and relaxed so i am ok with it. if i am having fun and happy then i must be doing something right and i think i am essentially happy now.