it is 12:18 AM and today i am moving into the dorm.

i leave in 12 hours

It is ind of scary, i feel like i am reaching the culmination of so many experiences i have had throughout my life. I feel liek so much i have done has lead up to me going to college . . not neccessarily to my future or carreer or adulthood.

my mother gave me a lecture today on how i damn well better focus on school and not fuck up my grades and lose ym scholarship

as if i wasnt already paranoid about that

after all in 5th grade the first time i got a D i cried for an hour ebcause iw as afraid it would ruin my chances of getting a scholarshi to college

mom has somehow managed to nto allow me to forget for a second that my going to college is worsening the financial strain on the family, even though i have enough scholarships and grants to cover everything

she has to be the martyr