For some reasons, when i am driving i get these pcitures in my mind sometimes

these tranger compulsions to slam on the gas and rearend the car in front f me tow atch the metal crumple

to jerk the wheel over and go over the rail

i think of all the ways i could be injured

all the ways i could be impailed and killed in my intentional acts

all the ways other could be destroyed

i sat there at a stoplight, wanting so strangely to kill someone and myself, to make this horrendous dramatic accident for no other reason than to watch it happen

to experience

to tabulate yet another event on the chart of my life, so that i can say i did that once

that one time in my life

i took a chance

and paid the price