why do i have this incredibyl disturbing inabilty to communicate with my parents?

for some reason everythign i want to say comes out wrong, they misunderstand and then when i try to fix it, things just get more complicated.

I pride msyelf on words when around everyone else, but somhow near my paretns they crumble and these monuments i build with a limited vocabulary dont seem to function at all. machines of purpose and beautuy are suddenly empty and meaningless boxes, nothing but a lever or wedge.

I wa tto love them

nay i do love them

ye ti say things tha thurt them

why does being honest have to be so misconstrued by everyone else? Why cant the truth simply be that?: the truth.

i lie they are dissapointed and i am punished, i tell the truth they feel insulted and i am treated like crap in return.

in theory honesty should have some ort of reward, not monetary but emotional, i should be abel tot ake soem pride in being hoenst and portraying msyelf truthfully. I want to feel proud of htat, i want to be that

yet somehow they make me feel as though honest isnt good. That being truthful and clear isnt the way thigns should be and i becoem ashamed of being frank.

i want to be forthright

i dont want to find my father's bear cans in my car

and i dont want to have to answer the same questiosn day in and out

i dont want to be pressured about prom

i dont want to hear the same bad joke si have heard for 15 years and half to laugh at them to avoid cold looks and shoulders

i want to bemyself and onyl that, iw ant to stand alone.

but that isnt right i suppose . .. how dare i want such thing . . . .