Some names changed to protect the innocent (or not so innocent)

Sarah was an amazing person, or at least I thought so at the time. she sees a psychiatrist regularly, she still does i think. She ahd this achingly beautiful psychosis about her. Not the brightest crayon of course. And always, always had a problem with some man she had been obsessed with. He would break her heart again and again, yest still she insisted she was in love with him.

I felt an overwhelming amount of sympathy for her. I could rememebr every time my heart had been broken and i would feel it again and again for her. in our short friendship I helped her quite a bit, i think that she helped me even more, though she does not realize it.

"I am so tired of him Kati," She leaned on my shoulder sighing, ,again, over the same boy. "he doesnt even realize how much I love him, . . . . . ARGH I am so tired of men!"

I sympathized with her quite a bit. I told her I understood, ,etc, etc.

She sighed, "Sometimes I just want to give up on men altogether! go lesbo or something!" we laughed a bit and went on with life

we had that conversation quite a few times, in several different forms.

As a form of relaxation, Sarah and I would torment our friend Jon, it was normal and since he was rather annoying it was usually deserved. Sarah had taken to getting rather theatrical with it. Her latest act, was going to be her biggest, she told me. and it was, bigger than she thought.

"What! Jon has a girlfriend!" Shr eally had jsut found out, but in reality it didnt bother her in the slightest . . . but who cares about reality?

"but no! I am in love with Jon! how could he do this to me!" she began sobbing against my shoulder, and I tried my best to keep my composure.

"Jon!" I said to him, "What did you do to her?" Jon looked back at me confused. "how could you lead Sarah on like that? she thought you really cared about her!"

Jon was dumbfounded and hte act went on, we developed quite an audience, few realizing that Sarah was pulling all of it out of her ass.

she went through a wide range of emotions for it, and the whole time i was comforting her, and scolding Jon, and helping keep up the facade (thats me, the eternal supporting actress)She was sad, she was agnry, she was self-loathing, and the best part, she got desperate.

"I must not be good enough for Jon!" she wailed and cried, i slipped into her purse and snuck her eye drops and soon her face was tear stained, adding to the realism.

"I will never be with a man if I cannot be with jon!" She cried. "jon, please, please go out with me."

"uhmmmm . . . sarah I have a girlfriend."

"That WHORE! she doesnt love you!" Sarah cried on ym shoudler more and more. "I am so alone, no man wants me kati!" she wailed and it was all i coudl do not to burst out laughing. "Kati?" she looked me in the eye. "Will you go out with me??"

That caught me off guard quite a bit, but the act continued. "No, ,Im sorry Sarah . . . but you aren't even good enough for Jon, ,what makes you think you would be worthy of me?"

I nearly fell out of my chair laughing at myself, and so did she, but her tremors of laughter became sobs into my shoudler. I comforted her and told he rthat one day Jon would see what he was missing out on.

We actually Had Jon beleive that Srah loved him for several days. Until I was tired of hte act and told him the truth

But after that day, that first day when our joke was in full lsuter and I had not a care in the world, turmoil arose in me.

Sarah really had thrown me off by asking me out. and really I knew that she was only joking. But a thought had flickered across my mind. no, more than a flicker.

I wanted to tell her yes.

I seriously truly did want to tell her yes, to go out with her and be her girlfriend.

For some time I had started to feel more and more attracted toward women but I told myself it was nothing, a phase, some demented phase because i was a bit angsty toward men, i told myself that even thought i toyed with the idea a bit in my mind i really didnt like chicks and that i would never do anything with a girl.

But I had wanted to say yes.

And slowly Sarah had begun a chain reaction within my mind, and I had wanted so much to ask her if she had been serious. but I never did.

I will be eternally thankful to Sarah, for what she did, how she made me face myself, on accident of all things.

Sarah still does not know I am bi. How ironic. I do not even like her anymore, she doesnt act anymore, no more dramas for her to enact, not because they are gone, but because she wil not do them. something has left Sarah.

The last time I checked, she was lseeping with a man in his thirties, she babysits his kids. . . .